


A Guilty Conscience

by friendsofthemusain24601



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Babies, Hurt Crowley, M/M, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), This show has taken over my life, they deserve better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 20:05:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19302895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendsofthemusain24601/pseuds/friendsofthemusain24601
Summary: Aziraphale tried to push Crowley away, through a terrible fight he nearly manages it. But the demon can't quite let that go.





	A Guilty Conscience

Aziraphale was unfamiliar with the rather human concept of self doubt. Yet what else could he be experiencing, from the nausea creeping up his throat to the bile overturning in his stomach. He was not ill, but he might as well have been for the sickening feeling brewing inside of him. No, this was a different affliction entirely, a dark, twisting feeling that rattled him to his very core. Ayn Rand spoke true with the fateful quotation of, “Guilt is a rope that wears thin” and he was wearing himself out, as well as the floorboards. Pacing back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, his own words bit back with equal force as to when he delivered them in the first place. 

“There is no us, not anymore. It’s over.” He snapped out the words, ignoring the pang in his chest. If he could just push through this- whatever THIS was, then he could find the proper child and everything would be okay. He couldn’t risk everything for their companionship, it wasn’t worth it. As he and Crowley screamed and shouted at one another's inner monologue begged him to explain. Explain that they couldn’t risk it, either one of them. 

“They’ll make me fall!” he wished to cry, “But what’s worse-” he shuddered at the thought, “They’ll destroy you!” 

He said none of this, not now, not then. Merely reorganizing his bookshelves with a frightful determination, he choked back the desperation that clogged his windpipes, choking him. Everything, everything inside of him longed to phone Crowley, searching for any sign from the universe that doing so would be a mistake. 

Fortunately, the universe had other plans, although neither Heaven, nor Hell approved. The demon he so admired yet forsook showed up at his doorstep, without a moment’s delay. 

He rushed inside, hands anxiously clenching and unclenching. “Look Angel, I don’t know what I did, but whatever it is, I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry! Now can we please get back to working for our side? Forget Heaven and Hell, you and me, it’s been that way for 6000 years Aziraphale!” he took an exasperated breath, “What changed?” 

The angel blanched, “I-”

“You WHAT?” Crowley wasn’t putting up with anything. 

“I can’t risk falling.” he admitted, which was apparently the wrong thing to say.

Crowley tilted his head back, laughing bitterly. “Satan. Who knew angels could be so selfish?” 

“Me? Selfish? I’m thinking of both our necks! What happens if they catch you?” he whispered, fear emerging across his features. “My side will be a glorified slap on the wrist, but they’ll kill you.” He began to blink back tears. 

“Hey,” Crowley stepped close, carefully placing his hands on both of Aziraphale’s shoulders. “Angel, relax. Nothing bad is going to happen to me.” He couldn’t meet his demon’s eyes. Carefully he tilted his head up, forcing eye contact. “Angel, I promise I will be okay.” He still couldn’t meet Crowley’s eyes. “Trust me.” he leaned up and kissed his forehead gently.

Finally Aziraphale looked him in the eye. “I do trust you.” he sounded miserable, which really made no sense in the matter at hand.

“Then I don’t understand. What is it?” Crowley beseeched his angel, begging him to help him understand. 

Aziraphale looked up at him, concern radiating off of the demon in waves and finally he had no choice but to make him understand in the only way he could think of. The angel kissed him.


End file.
